Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would ride that face into the sunset
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
