Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I would ride that face into the sunset
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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