we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize