did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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