I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
