Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
