If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
