How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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