I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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