I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize