If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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