He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize