I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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