He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
