Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
