she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
