I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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