When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
