some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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