i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
vagina is talking i cant
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize