who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
