there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
