Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
