Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
