This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I smell like Dick and happiness
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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