I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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