Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
