I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize