Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
