She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
