Are we in a gay sports bar?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize