I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
