please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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