so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
