It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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