no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
