I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
