glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
