Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
