Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's shark week go big or go home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
