oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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