This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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