His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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