All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
