didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
