shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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