You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
