last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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