Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
