i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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