yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
