i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he fucked my hip out of place.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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