Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
