your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
