wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
