I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
