I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
is it fun? or sober?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
