I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
