Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
