I checked into jail on foursquare
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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