some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
