no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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