You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
