Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
