It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
