were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
