Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
